Beautiful

Here before Your alter I am letting go of all I've held 
Of every motive, every burden 
Everything that's of myself
 
And I just wanna wait on You, my God 
I just wanna dwell on who You are
Beautiful, beautiful  
Oh, I am lost for more to say  
Beautiful, beautiful  
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me
 
Here in Your presence I am not afraid of brokenness  
To wash Your feet with humble tears  
I would be poured out till nothing's left
 
And I just wanna wait on You, my God  
I just wanna dwell on who You are
 
Beautiful

thoughts on prayer

From the end of the earth will I cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. - Psalm 61:2 (KJV)

  
^{Psalm 61 (MSG)
 
1-2}God, listen to me shout, bend an ear to my prayer.
   When I'm far from anywhere,
      down to my last gasp,
   I call out, "Guide me
      up High Rock Mountain!"

 ^3-5 You've always given me breathing room,
      a place to get away from it all,
   A lifetime pass to your safe-house,
      an open invitation as your guest.
   You've always taken me seriously, God,
      made me welcome among those who know and love you.

This morning in church Pastor Steve spoke on prayer.  You know how sometimes somebody will say something and it gets you thinking 'How have I never had that thought before?' I had that moment today. He was talking about how before we even speak one word in prayer to the Lord, that the most important thing we can do is in how we perceive the Lord is receiving our coming to Him. Is he excited to talk to us? Does he even care? Is He distracted with other matters?

I love this Psalm of David because it illustrates to me what it is like to come to God in prayer. 'Bend an ear to my prayer.' I picture God leaning in as I share my heart, completely engaged in what I have to say. 'You've always given me breathing room, a place to get away from it all.' Ah, breathing room. How grateful I am that I don't have to have this well rehearsed script to speak to the Lord. I can come just as I am.. and I don't know about you, but for me that more often than not means coming to Him confused, lacking direction, emotions strung all over the place, tired, heart overwhelmed, stressed out, disappointed, angry, scared, betrayed. In prayer I find my place to get away from it all, to breathe.

To offer a short personal update on my life:  Things are going well for me.. it's been a season of blessing the past few months. I've seen the Lord fill up my life by meeting relational desires I've been carrying for awhile. This summer I have been able to get plugged into a small group at my church, and while I haven't been able to meet with them as regularly as I would like due to recent traveling, I am so excited that I have been joined with other young adults who are intentionally pursuing community with one another and willing to invest in each others' walk with the Lord. I'm also so thankful for those special people who are there to share in my everyday life.. for parents three minutes down the road to eat dinner with some days and ask how I'm doing, for a brother who will bring over popcorn and a movie to spend Saturday night just hanging out, for a boyfriend who even though he lives on the other side of the country will faithfully call every day to share and encourage me in my daily life, for sisters and brother-in-laws that are there when you need them, for extended family that you know cares deeply and supports you, for high school friends who are always eager to reunite over coffee, for college friends that exchange updates and keep in touch over a facebook group. Relationships matter and I praise God for filling those needs in my life.

Okay, I take back the 'short' in my previous 'short personal update' comment, haha. I would further like to note though that while it has been a season of blessing in my life, it has also been a stressful time of facing daunting decisions. This is what has me thinking about prayer tonight. Whenever there are big decisions to be made in your life, people like to tell you to pray about it. It's good advice. But today I'm changing my thinking on it. I think prayer should be more than I make it. I think it should be more than a list of needs that I read off to God or state to others during prayer request share circle. What if God cares enough about this to invite me into a conversation with Him that may last for hours? What if he is actively listening in to what I have to say? What if I could really take him up on his open invitation into His presence?

Father,
I want to practice this kind of prayer life that is available. I desire clarity in the decisions I need to make. I also desire for you to speak to the needs of those whom I love.. hearts that need healing, bodies that need rest, direction that needs to be provided. I am so guilty of excusing myself to wait until I feel settled in my own life until taking on a selfless attitude that can look upon others' needs and bring those to your throne on their behalf and engage those people and their situations. The thing is...  I may never feel completely settled here. Landing on a place to live long term may help, marriage and starting a family may help, finding fulfillment in my career may help... but life is always changing and you never promised that there would be a day on this side of eternity where everything would be in place. I'm beginning to see that there is no better time than now to prayerfully practice a selfless love for others. Please help me take on this attitude and love others as you love them.

blessings.

Out of Season

"Be instant in season, out of season." 2 Timothy 4:2

I read this verse earlier this week in a devotion by Oswald Chambers in his renowned book "My Utmost For His Highest." (Highly recommend--Chambers was an incredible Christian author of the 19th/20th century) Let me first summarize Chamber's reflections on this verse before continuing.

Being "instant in season, out of season" is referring to being intentional and proactive in how we live our lives even when we don't feel like doing what we know we should. "There are unemployables in the spiritual domain, spiritually decrepit people, who refuse to do anything unless they are supernaturally inspired. The proof that we are rightly related to God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not." Chambers goes on to explain how in our relationship with God, we won't live in a constant state of feeling inspired and at our best. There are certainly moments when we do feel that inspiration and supernatural insight though, and we need to realize that these moments are a gift of God entirely. "If you make a god of your best moments, you will find that God will fade out of your life and never come back until you do the duty that lies nearest, and have learned not to make a fetish of your rare moments."

This theme of living in light of our "God-inspired moments" has been somewhat of a theme in Chamber's writing. While he makes a point to advise us not to make a god out of our best moments, he also encourages us to bring what was revealed to us in those moments into the decisions and actions we make in our everyday lives. "We must bring our commonplace life up to the standard revealed in the high hour. Never allow a feeling which was stirred in you in the high hour to evaporate. Act immediately, do something, if only because you would rather not do it. If in a prayer meeting God has shown you something to do, don't say- "I'll do it"; do it! Laziness is always seen in cravings for the high hour; we talk about working up to a time on the mount. We have to learn to live in the grey day according to what we saw on the mount:  Never revise your decisions, but see that you make your decisions in the light of the high hour."

That's Oswald for ya... I told you he was brilliant, did I not?

Can any of you relate with this, or is it just me? When Chambers speaks of this 'high hour,' immediately I can think of exact moments in my life. I can tell you where I was, what was going on in my life at that time, what I felt God was calling me to do, and probably what kind of coffee I was drinking as well. (Afterall, each of our finest God-inspired moments happens over a cup of coffee, no?) But you know what else? I can also testify to the times that coming off of my high hour, I did not bring those decisions into my grey day ordinary life. Once the feeling left, once the dullness and discontentment crept back into my mind, I reasoned that I simply didn't have the energy and was not equipped to do that which God had called me to.

Laziness? Perhaps. Insecurity? Certainly. But do you know what I think the real roadblock is for me? Not having a focused vision.

There's too much I tell myself I need to do. I fill my mind with ideas of who I want to create myself to be. I entertain notions of all the hobbies I should pick up, or groups of people I need to acquaint with, you name it. --Even good things become bad things when they keep you from the best thing!-- So today I want to reflect on simplicity. I want to encourage myself with who I don't have to be and what I don't have to do. I want to create space. I want to get off of my own agenda and live in faithful abandon to God, and to living each day in light of what He reveals to me in the high hour. 

Cont. in following post.....