hi friends!
sorry it's been a good 2 months since I've posted. what can i say? life got crazy.
art classes + volleyball = i feel like everyone is demanding every second of my time and i'm left with nothing for myself and nothing to give to my friends. And let me tell you something else... being an art major and an athlete just do not mix haha. My professors resent me for having to leave classes early for games and my coach... well actually i don't think there's an awareness of the sacrifices that are made for volleyball. But day by day we're making it work and I'm so thankful for the gifts and opportunities I have to do the things I do.
I've been compiling a list of posts I've wanted to write.. just a bunch of thoughts and events that I've wanted to share but haven't had the time or energy to do that kind of reflecting. I keep telling myself that after volleyball season I'll get my life back together. Right now I'm just kind of living in survival mode. I'm not eager for season to be over. I love volleyball with a crazy deep passion. It's a great game and I love my team and I love being a teammate. And when season ends this year, that's it, it'll all be over. I'm not ready for that quite yet. But I am anxious to get my life back to where it needs to be. I've noticed a few patterns to my survival mode. The biggest thing is I'm quick to cut off relationships. I'm naturally this person that kind of just lives in my own little world and as much as i love people and i love my friendships it takes intentional effort for me to be engaged. When I go into survival mode, I lose that. Another problem with my survival mode is I lose focus of what I want and cling to what I have and what is comfortable. The final problem with survival mode is that I find myself disengaged in my relationship with the Lord. I find myself leaning on my own strength and giving myself lots of pep talks to do the things I have to do. This is not how we are meant to live.
So funny story...
I am one of those people that likes to drive my car on empty for awhile. Part of it is I'm lazy. It takes effort to plan a trip to the farm to fill up with fuel or even to go make a stop over at JJs. Another part of it is I like living life on the edge. I get a weird thrill out of driving my car around for a couple days with the warning light on, never knowing if I have enough to get me to my destination. My dad has told me for years that if I keep driving my car on empty like that then one of these days I'm going to run out and be stranded on the road. I always laughed. I feel pretty invincible when it comes to these things. Nothing bad can happen to me, right? Wellll.... yesterday I took little B'n Blue for a drive home so she could fill up at the farm and I could pick the camera up from home. My warning light has been on for probably 5 out of the past 6 days. (I filled up partially one day, only to use it up with one trip to fort wayne). So there I am driving on the highway when I notice my car is no longer accelerating.. 50 mph.. 40... 30.... shoooot, is this really happening? 20....10... maybe i should glide on over to the shoulder of the road here... wow, that just happened. I called my dad at the farm and got a hold of grandpa instead. A half hour later my mom came and rescued me. Honestly, it was funny. I laughed. And secretly I've always wanted to be that car on the side of the road that broke down and make all the passing cars get over to the left hand lane. So I guess I finally learned my lesson. Don't drive on empty.
Ironically, I feel like that's exactly what I've been doing in my life. Driving on empty. We aren't made to just keep spinning our wheels. We're human, we get run down. You've got to take time to fill yourself up. And we need filled on a lot of different level.. physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.. Sometimes when life gets crazy busy it's easy to slip into survival mode and not even realize how drained you're getting. So I encourage you to be intentional about filling yourself up. Live in relationship with the Lord.. live in relationship with the people around you.. get sleep.. eat good food.. go for a walk when you need to gather your thoughts.. drink coffee.. listen to some freakin awesome music... just do the things you need to do fill yourself up. One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Romans 12. I love it because it's instruction on how it is we are to place our lives before God and it's written as quick, simple instructions and yet it's heavy stuff.. things like 'recognize what God wants from you. Bless your enemies. Discover beauty in everyone. Don't let evil get the best of you.' Sometimes I read all of that and I'm just like 'Alright, yeah, great. I'll get right on that.' No, this isn't easy stuff! It takes work! Anyways, I digress.. One of my favorite parts from that chapter is verse 11. "Don't burn out. Keep yourselves fueled and aflame." It's our responsibility to keep ourselves from driving around on empty. Don't burn out. Keep yourselves fueled and aflame.
Friends, you are loved.
