great is His faithfulness

Hey friends--

Not that I'm even going to pretend like I have a following anymore on this blog considering I've posted approximately 3 times all year, haha, but I wanted to bring the blog up to speed with my life anyways :)

I'm within 2 weeks of graduation. That absolutely blows my mind. It makes me want to throw a party, it makes me want to cry, it makes me want to run forward into my next adventure, and it makes me want to go into hiding. I've got a lot of emotions going on, but I'll deal with those when I have time post graduation haha.

A few weeks ago the class of 2011 graphic design majors hosted a reception for our senior show. It was a huge relief to get that put together.. So many hours put into those projects!! I was so proud of my classmates' work and how great the show came together. I've posted pictures below. For me that night of our reception was one of those moments in life where you look at where you are and realize how far you've come and you just kind of laugh.. proud and amused at how you've grown and the path your life has taken. You see, I had never even taken an art class before I decided to major in it haha. Growing up I always suspected I had some creative talent, or if not talent at least creative desire, but it was kind of something I feared to explore or develop. I was always focused on developing academically and athletically... but that artistic part of me went fairly neglected.

I went into college as an elementary education major. At that time, the only thing I was sure about in my life was that I wanted to work with kids. Funny, how that changed within only a year haha. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different had I stayed with education.. and I'm convinced God would have blessed that path too. And also I want to say that I'm so grateful to have gone through the courses I did for education because even if I don't remember anything I learned, it made me forever in awe of those special people who can do that.. who can teach, who can inspire, who can love class after class of students.

It was halfway through my sophomore year when I came to accept that I just didn't have it in me. I knew if I was going to be a teacher I couldn't accept just being a decent teacher, I wanted to be an exceptional teacher.. and I became frustrated to not see that within myself. I started considering maybe there was something else I could do that would be a better fit with my personality and my gifts, something I could really put myself fully into. It was during this time I adopted a life verse, or what would at least come to be a verse that I carried with me as a guide for the rest of my college career.

Galatians 6:4-5
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

I look back on that season of my life, and while I remember feeling much frustration and uncertainty and fear as I was reevaluating the course I needed to go with my education, that's not what I see. What I see is a season of my life where I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about seeking God. I learned how to surrender my plans. I learned how to seek advice from others. I learned how to be vulnerable and take risks.

If you know anything about me then you probably know that I'm not a person of certainty. I'm undecided on just about everything. I don't commit to opinions, relationships, or life decisions. I'm not saying this is good, I'm saying it's just how my mind works.. it likes to stay open to possibilities and not close in around one thing. So for me it was a really big deal when I was able to close it in around choosing a major. I had spoken with everyone on the subject for help.. parents, friends, career counselors, professors, students in different majors. I had driven up to Coventry one Wednesday evening with the weight of the pressing decision on my mind. I pulled into the Wendys, ordered a frosty in the drive through, parked my car facing out towards the highway and began having an out loud conversation with God. I'll never forget it... I think of it everytime I drive past that Wendys. I remember praying something along the lines of "God, I've been talking to a lot of people and I'm kind of interested in graphic design. I don't even know much about it. I have so many doubts in myself. I'll probably fail. But if this is what you want, if this will please you, give me the courage to say Yes." and at that moment something switched in me. I said "Yes" and just liek that there was a confidence and a certainty that I had never experienced about anything in my life, with the exception of choosing to give my life to Christ.

There are times in life when we take the wrong path, or when we get redirected.. there are times of questioning and doubt and uncertainty. But the reason why I'm reflecting on this tonight is because in the midst of all the unknowns over the past four years, that decision was one of such certainty God gave me.. and I'm just amazed at how faithful He's been to me through it. Yes, there have been very many long nights while working on projects when I felt completely defeated and worthless and questioned why I ever thought I could be an art major, but the Lord has been so faithful in bringing me reassurance and renewing my passion.

In two weeks I graduate. In two days following graduation I leave for California. I've been accepted as an intern at Saddleback Church for the summer. It's been quite a journey of faith getting to this point through a long process of applying to 20+ places and praying the right opportunity would come through and that I would recognize it and provisions would be made and details would be worked out. And I stop and am just again in awe of our Lord. For years I've dreamed of what I would do after graduation. I've dreamed of living somewhere new and foreign to me. I've dreamed of going out and testing my independence and sense of adventure. I've dreamed of taking myself out of my comfort zone and having to be so completely dependent on God alone. I've spent hours and hours researching online for jobs and opportunities and things I may be able to do in a new place. And it's now that I stop and realize that all of those hours of dreaming.. all of that desire that has built up in my heart.. it hasn't gone unnoticed. God is faithful to fulfill our desires... it may take longer than we hope and it may look different than we imagined, it may take seasons of confusion and brokenness to get us to where we need to be to, but He comes through. I'm so grateful, but along with my gratefulness and excitement comes fear. Funny how in the midst of dreams coming true, I realize all the sacrifice that is necessary to make the change. I know it's only 3 months I'm committing to, but I'm overwhelmed at the thought of being away from everyone I love for that long. I'm scared of not knowing anyone in California, or having a home.. a comfort go-to place. But when I look back, it's always the big changes, (going to college, switching my major) the things I'm most fearful of, the things that require the most risk, that also bring the most blessing to my life. I'm so excited to see how God will use me in California and to see the blessings of new friendships and new experiences he will undoubtedly bring. He is so faithful. He is so good.

Thank you Father, for who you are, for all you do. These next two weeks are going to be crazy.. crazy stressful and crazy emotional. Help me to be still and know that you are God. To remember your faithfulness to me in the past and to rely on your strength to get me through each day and to trust in your goodness for my future. We love you.

Senior Show

Gospel

G.O.S.P.E.L. from Humble Beast Records on Vimeo.

I've had a few facebook friends share this link, and I wanted to pass it on. I like it a lot.